Ed vs Toaster
by Firemizer
Summary: I don't know what Tynan is on...but I want to know so I can avoid it. Anyways...as the name implies...Ed vs a Toaster that acts like Roy Mustang.


Disclaimer- If you're following the story that this one chapter side story is from, then you would know that I and my partner do not own anything FMA. But we DO own Tynan, Kage, Morpheus, and the monster Toaster you are about to read of... Have fun. Don't trust Toasters.

Wind: --;; Tynan...you are a freak...

Tynan: eating toast You don't know WHAT I had to go through to get this d toast...Wanna see the scars?

Wind: Not even if you gave me a pair of Vic's pants.

_Dear Edward, _

_Sorry, but you're going to have to make your own breakfast. _

_Because Tynan's welding something, and I'm in detention for shooting up the bathroom at school...again...or something like that. Just put some bread in the toaster, push the button, and wait. _

_See you after Hell called detention,_

_Kage_

The half asleep Edward grimaced at the note.

"Okay...let's try this...I hope it doesn't eat my shirt...like the fridge." He reached into the bread box, pulled out two slices, popped them in the toaster and pressed the button. He waited...and waited...and waited some more. Suddenly he heard a ding and he put his head over the toaster to see if it was done, and was only able to see a blurr of brown as it flew past his head. He looked up and watched it crash land on top of the fridge. He turned to glare at the evil chrome box from hell with an emblem of a wild stallion burned into the front.

"You're making fun of my hight _aren't_ you!?" If toasters could laugh...he swore it would be rolling around with a but gut. Edward dragged a chair over to the fridge and got up on it, determined to prove the toaster wrong. Besides...he was HUNGRY! After failing to reach the toaster on the chair or sma- I mean...vertically challenged Alchemist put another two pieces of bread into the toaster and proceeded to have them spit at him when they were done. Finally, after 3 failed attempts, he heard someone come into the kitchen. Turning he found Tynan taking out an apple and a can of soda from the fridge. Tynan looked over at him and raised one blond eyebrow.

"Kage told you to make your own breakfast...then instructed you on how to work the toaster...right?" When the golden-eyes teenager nodded he sighed, "That toaster only seems to work for woman...it _never _works for guys. Good luck." Edward's other roommate then turned on his heel and left for...wherever he was working, leaving behind a very confused Edward Elric. Said Elric turned to glare at the toaster and tried to sneak up on it. All he earned was a nice bruise from a piece of toast. Finally losing his temper Edward stalked up to it, clapped his hands and smacked the toaster. Great idea really...because THEN it started to spit out bread chimeras. Whoop-Dee-do-da.

The bread chimeras started attacking him so our VERY smart Alchemist locked the little buggers in the oven. He then grabbed the toaster and punted it out the window.

"Da Roy toaster!"

—In Ed's old world----

Roy Mustang sat at his desk, the paperwork for the one Fullmetal Alchemist sitting on his desk. No one believed him when he said Fullmetal HAD to still be alive. He could just FEEL it. Then suddenly a metal box flew through his window to smack the new Fuhrer upside the head.

"Ouch!" He looked down at the box and saw, amazingly, a mustang (a wild stallion) printed on the front. After blinking for a moment Roy collapsed back into his chair laughing. This just HAD to be a sign from Edward...a sign that he was still alive...and pissed off to all hell.

—Back in The Apartment----

Kage opened the oven, wondering why it was on clean and not...well...CLEANING. Inside she heard little growls and then was pounced on by little bread chimeras. The scream and gunshots were heard throughout the apartment building. In the living room Edward stiffened when the kitchen door blew open with a bang and a little chimera was thrown back into the far wall, a bullet in it. With an amused look Tynan, who was sitting, watching TV with Ed, turned to before mentioned Elric and smirked.

"Tried using alchemy on the toaster?" When he received a nod the lunar angel just burst out laughing as they listened to Kage cleaning up the kitchen to make Dinner.

"Nice one Ed."

**/"Not bad...for a kid..."/ **"Meow"

--------

Well...that's how Ed met and started to loath...all toasters.

Wind: And what about YOU toaster boy?

Tynan: Hey! That was a true story! ...minus the fact that it was me instead of Ed.

Wind: Maybe in a nightmare...we can't USE alchemy you baka...

Tynan: I can!!! I'll show you!!!

Wind- That's it...I'm getting you a therapist...I just hope this one doesn't, according to you, 'spontaniously combust'...--;;

Tynan- SHE DID!!!! I DIDN'T TOUCH HER!!! iT WAS A TRUE CASE OF SPONTANIOUS COMPUSTION!!!

Wind-...right...and you didn't help it along with a lighter...

Tynan: shifty eyes noooo...


End file.
